Today I woke up at 9:38

And I rolled (literally rolled) out of bed and onto the floor and grabbed my ipad, eyes still groggy from last nights obsessing. The drawing must be done. (Usually I like to get up and make my bed and wash my face and have some coffee and maybe put on pants before I start working. But not today. I felt like I continued to work in a sleep state. I didn’t finish till 11.

When the drawing was finished I felt very disoriented. It was almost noon and my mouth tasted like my retainer, my eyes were a little gooey and two shiny new pimples were blossoming on my chin. I hobbled around my room, guilty and frustrated- it’s freaking 11! People are eating lunch right now and have on cute outfits and are in the world and you are still in your pajamas and your hair and face look like you just came out of an oil spill. I shove cloths in drawers- my room must be clean! I suddenly felt very disgusted with myself. Once the room was in a somewhat satisfactory state I felt a little better. I brushed my teeth two times and washed my face three. That helped too. I put on gym clothes. Okay. Better. Had coffee. And then I was fine.

Now looking back 12 hours later, (I should be going to bed right about now)- I realized I actually had a productive day! Maybe feeling like a bum this morning scared me into a higher state of productivity. Productivity is a funny thing.

Today I-

-installed all of adobes applications

-did my laundry

-put away my laundry

-finished a drawing

-went to fed ex and printed the drawing

-went grocery shopping

-made some quality stir fry for tomorrow

-finished my next youtube video

-and somewhere in there I made it to the gym.

-oh and I wrote this blog post ;)

Good job me. Got to savor days like this where you just go to bed satisfied and sleepy with a quiet happy brain.

its one am

today i started a drawing called “thoughts of LA.”.

I started it around 10:30 id say. then i worked till around 1ish. then i went to pcc and ate some pulled pork and downed a bulletproof bar and impulsively bought myself a second coffee. I didn’t really need the coffee. But the pcc coffee is pretty heavenly. I guess I am going to pay for it tomorrow morning when I can’t get out of bed because of my coffee high this evening. Never drink coffee after noon is usually my rule. But today sort of felt like an exception becuase I was excited about this piece. I wanted to be in tip top highly caffinated shape when I started working on it. I started working on it again around 2 until 5 at another coffee shop. Then I went home and worked on it from 6 to 8:30, then from 9:30 until 12:45. Okay sorry for the very very boring post I am kind of brain dead right now because hold on doing math…. \

..

Ok around 10 hours. pretty good stamina! but it might have been the coffee.

I can’t wait to get up tomrrow and finish it.

I probably could have finished it today if i wasn’t such a perfectionist. Oh well though. I will get up tomorrow and then go to the gym and then work on it at top pot or something. give myself an hour to finish it. Or thirty minutes even. I need to move on, got to stop the obsesssiing.. ok im so tiered bye. goodnihgt.

I stalked a few "bloggers" this morning

Last night was the first time I ever posted one of these blog posts onto my instagram. Then before long I was thinking about my new identity as a “blogger”- what does that mean for me now? What kind of responsibilities do bloggers have? Do they have any?

So i thought i would investigate these questions. I went to the gram and typed “blogger” into the search bar with the tags options selected. Turns out there are quite a few bloggers out there. Who knew. Good thing instagram exists. I clicked on a few. (There were only female blogger on the front page.) A lot of the blogs were about clothes and makeup, and the girl was a model or something but in the description referred to herself as “public figure”. It sure does sound better and more cool than just “model”. I would probably write that if I was a model.

Alex just walked in from being out at the bars and now he watching instagram videos next to me in bed and I am just hearing snipits of randomness and I can no longer focus so this blog post is now going to come to an end. I thought I was on to something with this whole new blogger identity thought but I guess it will have to wait.

Night people

hey its the next day

I am writing a blog post! I am starting my daily blog post trend. Well I guess a trend that only i am following.

Today i sat in top pot doughnuts and made three versions of this drawing. I like the pink one the best. I haven’t eaten anything today except for two eggs this morning. I’ts now almost 4:30. I always know I have been doing something good when I forget to eat. My stomach is finally starting to voice it’s opinions now that I am off Photoshop.

I like doing my work in coffee shops. I kind of like overhearing conversations- it makes me happy i don’t know why. Right now they are training the new girl, telling her where to put the doughnuts and what not. I think about what it would be like to work with doughnuts and listen to kids on sugar highs for 4o hours a week. I guess it could be worse. I certainly enjoyed sitting here for 6 hours today. You would think the screaming kids would bother me but they didn’t. I felt peaceful among them, sometimes watching them as they raced around the shop, weaving through tables as they constructed their own elaborate game. The moms sat at a table near me and talked about soccer practice and when snack time was going to be that evening.

They still haven’t taken their sparkly xmas tree down in the corner. During the day when the sun was up I thought “Wow the 12 days of xmas are over, how depressing”, but now that its getting dark and I am the only one sitting in here- i kind of like it. The Christmas lights reflecting off the sparkly branches warm up the corner and i get a fuzzy feeling when I look at it now. Funny how the time of day can change ones perspective on whether somethings depressing or not.

They have been playing pretty good music- about thirty minutes ago they were playing “Don’t go breaking my heart” and i found that i couldn’t help but sing along to myself and dance a little in my seat. The new girl who was sweeping the doughnut crumbs off the floor was singing a little too. It was a good song. We didn’t acknowledge that we were both singing to it- but it was a good moment. It’s always nice to have someone to enjoy a song with.

Not to have this start out in a pessimistic way-

but

I just wish I posted on this blog more often. Like everyday would be good. Or even every other day. It’s funny how the idea of what we think we can do and what we actually end up accomplishing in a day often has a large gap… it’s a misunderstanding of one’s self it seams. Well I guess i am really just talking about myself here.

I forget what philosopher said this but somehow this quote has been rattling around in my head lately- “people who don’t find “god” haven’t looked low enough”.

I’m pretty sure i totally butchered that, but you get the gist. Now that I think about it I think it was Carl Jung that said that. He was a smart one.

To me it means that you will never achieve the great things you dream about unless you realize how far you really have to shape up to get yourself to them. Like don’t think you’ve accomplished more than you actually have- like don’t just gloss over the things you did that day that you aren’t proud of. Surfing the internet for too long. Wasting time. Not being nicer to your mom on the phone. Being slightly late for work. Forgetting to text friends back. Neglecting sleep because you are too riled up on your own thoughts... that’s the current one. But at least I am making this blog post so that’s productive. Sort of.

I made my mom a card

Yesterday I finished my mom’s “late birthday” themed birthday card. I was happy with it. I should make cards more often. They make me feel good.

It’s going in my next youtube video! Feel free to go investigate that… type Madeline Owen art into youtube and my avatar is a sheep. Go binge them all!

buffalo exchange sucks.

Okay it doens’t suck. I actually think i am too tired right now to even write a good blog post but whatever I’m doing it anyways. Might want to skip this one. It will prob be boring.

I just went

ok its the next morning. my computer died in the middle of that last sentence and then I passed out.

I feel better now that I have rested. It’s probably a good thing my computer died. I have a hard time actually calling it quits and going to bed. I have a hard time planning to sleep. Usually if i lay in my bed and I think “Ok Madi now sleep” it never works. I only fall asleep unintentionally in the middle of a drawing, or if I can’t bare to scroll on the internet anymore, or i guess now if my computer dies and I am too lazy to get up and get the charger. If you’re too lazy for that then you know you should be sleeping.

So anyway just did that. Good nights sleep. This morning I popped out of bed at 7 am and went downstairs to make my espresso with a plop of cashew pudding (acts like creamer). That was tasty. Then I had my usual poached eggs and broth. Wow this sure is turning out to be the most boring blog post I’ve made yet. Maybe I should stop now.

Nah.

Last night I went to Urban outfitters and Buffalo exchange with my good friend Patrick. Urban Outfitters is a funny place. I used to go all the time before I was a “serious artist’ who had no time for such things like shopping. But honestly, it was nice to be back. Urban outfitters welcomed me back with open arms. I walk in, and i just see all of the hip outfits on all of the manikins and my heart leaps with excitement and I cant wait to find that overpriced sweatshirt that manikin had on just so i can wear it for a few seconds and take a selfie in the mirror and imagine how I would feel if I wore all of the cool things and I looked this cool everyday. I am pretty sure that was a run on sentence. Anyway. Tried on quite a few things at Urban Outfitters, non of which I was willing to deal out that significant amount of cash for. $60 for a plain Champion sweatshirt? I’ll just go to Big 5 and get one for $20.

Buffalo Exchange was alright, except honestly the prices were still somewhat high. Also- why do clothes end up at Buffalo one might wonder? It’s because nobody wanted them! Because they fit weird or have a stain or something like that. I swear I tried on 50 coats all of which made me look like a fat marshmallow.

Anyway seriously no one cares so I am going to stop. Time to start thinking about my day. I am going to finish a birthday card I started yesterday for my mom, hopefully get going on my editing for my next youtube video, do my laundry, and maybe even deal with the pile of clean laundry that’s been sitting on my chair in the corner of my room for the past few weeks. Probably will find a way to avoid that but at least I’ll plan on doing it. Okay so that is my plan for the day. Plan. Okay bye.

Good Morning

This morning I woke up and made some cashew pudding. It was okay. Pretty much what you do is soak cashews in water over night and then blend them up in the morning with a little coconut milk and whatever sweetener of your choice and then bam you have pudding. I think I want to put some berries on it or something because it is a little rich on it’s own. I put some in my coffee this morning. That was good. A coffee cashew pudding float.

Another interesting thing about this morning is that I am choosing to wear this very very bright orange long(ish) rain coat. You are probably thinking wow that is not that big of a deal. However, I have been wearing this beige cargo jacket almost everyday this fall. I blend in to the bare trees and the rotting leaves and cement buildings. However in this orange coat i do not blend in. When you don’t blend in you feel like you have to stand up a little straighter, or at least I do. And that takes a little more work. I feel like I have a bit more responsibility when I am more noticed. I responsibility to be “good” whatever that means.

I woke up at 8:53am.

I’m not sure what I am going to do today. I am not a fan of this feeling. Some people like to live their lives this way.. “free”. “spontanious”. “in the moment”. I would have to say i enjoy none of that. I would prefer to be tightly confined actually. Then I feel like I know where I’m going.